Here You Are Hon

Those are the last and final words from the DMV lady that is found inside one of the scariest malls I have ever been in. Think about it, when a mall is surviving soley on the business of the likes of the DMV it has to be some kind of harbor for freak shows right? This post will be a multi-post of my collective thoughts and experiences of the DMV as this is a place that I have been dealing with for several months now.
Enter timeline.

Sometime in September: Mark gets his NH license in order to register and buy cars and blahdy blah blah and I start thinking about the fact that I should probably get one too. I decide to wait until we get to Jersey to see what's the what.

1. Mid-September: I guess I should go and get my license, fresh is better. Oh no, look I only have one from NZ and a just expired Utah. I do some looking on the Jersey Transport site, find it quite fandangled and decide I would need to go and pay them a visit myself.

2. October: Finally make it to the DMV. Turns out I need a certified copy of my driving record from Utah. Leave- no license in hand. I am also left to ponder, why is it that the people inside of the DMV-not necessarily the workers, but the patrons are so....odd. I mean I am there and I am kind of normal. In fact, a lot of people driving around are normal so when is it that the normal people go to the DMV?

3. November: Finally get necessary work from Utah, procrastinate returning to the DMV until the end of the month. It just keeps nagging at me.

4. End of November: Fill out another ream of paperwork get to the second level of the DMV turns out I am missing some paperwork. Go to car to get it, go back inside, new paperwork for different person deemed not good enough. Drive home, drive back to DMV. Turns out I need to take a written test. Heart races a bit since I have not even looked at the New Jersey driver's handbook. Looks like I just have to wing it. I am thrilled to reach level 3 of the DMV as I am led to these DOS run computers that they have somehow equiped with old school computer screens from the late 80's into touch screen. Okay, I will go for it. Have a look around, surrounded by interesting folk once again, and half of them are reading the questions out loud. If only they would state their answers... By some sort of miracle I manage to pass through process of elimination and left wondering if one of the questions meant the kids don't get their licenses until they are 17.

NZ memory coming on. The written test there was awesome I think I only had to show my passport and I got a fully laminated test sheet in full COLOUR and an offical "scratcher thingy" where-get this-I could scratch off my answers. It was like playing lotto and there were only 10 questions instead of 80.

5. I pass the written and am scheduled for a road test in January at a different location.

6. Turn up for driver's test where Mark, Ed and I ( I wasn't allowed to drive myself) are met by a strange man that I can not for the life of me understand. I signal left, right, left again then right, pump my brakes, another ream of paperwork is filled out and then he tells me I have to make another appointment because he does not have "proper access to an emergency break". Mind you this is a closed course with max speed limit of 25. Mark and I leave calling little man all kinds of inapproriate names. We really just did not appreciate his "tone". Another appointment is not available for 3 weeks.

7. Show up at the testing site again, just missed "mean, little man" and got jolly man instead. He gave me lots of tips like, "please try to keep both hands on the wheel while driving" and "I will have to fail you if...." The thing that was great was that he was giving me these little hot tips whilst I was doing the offending. I finished the test and looked over at him sticking an official sticker on one of my really important totally unnecessary papers and I then stated, "ooooh I get a little silver sticker! Yeah ME! (what can I say I was nervous and there has been a lot of Zach and Cody on around here)" No chuckles received for that little joke. I did a lot of offending and bless his jolly heart, he passed me. Take that mean man!

8. Return to the DMV. They fill out another lot of paper and need different paperwork (I have decided each person has their own preferences so it really just depends on the person and you are best to bring every piece of anything that has your name on it.) and voila hours after I started this morning, I am led to the 10 and highest level of the DMV where I finally get the "Here you are Hon" as I receive my license months after first contact with the DMV.

Seriously, what up with the DMV?