Wednesday, June 4, 2008

Satisfaction Guaranteed


Fish and Chips in All Their Greezy Splendor


I have to post this because I have not been such an unsatisfied customer since the "scrapper card incident of 2003". Some of you may know the story, most of you won't, just know that this scrapper was not pleased with Pebbles in My Pocket's frequent scrapper card. As a result certain things were said, cards were torn and maybe hurled at unsuspecting managers. Although I have slightly matured in the 5 years since, I still believe they were in the wrong.
Now, back to the case at hand. Tartare Sauce. Mark and I deeply relish our weekly fish and chips. We know it is a bad habit and blahdy blah blah but we enjoy it and figure we might as well because we are just trying to blend in with the locals. With our F and C as they are frequently called, we enjoy fish with equal part tartare sauce. When we first moved here we tried several jars until we found just the right one. Signature Range. Generic store brand, go figure, but it was the best THE BEST! We would even serve it up to our non tartare sauce consuming kiwi friends and they too would proclaim it a "great tasting tartare". Because it was generic it was only available in certain stores. We had no problem venuring away from pack and schlep to go and get some proper tartare sauce. To my absolute horror they stopped carrying it. I panicked what was I going to do? Then to my relief, it reappeared in a new improved squeezable jar. Rare is it that you can make something great better so I was pumped and couldn't wait to show Mark this great find when he got home. We doubled up on tartare sauce just so we could get to the new stuff.
Yah, the new stuff? SUCKS!!!!!! They changed the freakin recipe! YOU JUST CAN'T DO THAT!! It was too sugary. I love my sugar, but c'mon folks three words for ya- time-and-place. Mark and I deemed it inedible and there were several fish wasted that evening. We tried the mayo mix but no go. We thought about making our own but we don't have access to proper dill pickles ARGHH. Luckily through our first wave sampling we found a second choice, it isn't AS good and it is a bit more dear but Skipper's Choice it is. I felt so strongly about this that I rang them up and after waiting the obligatory 236487593587935.4587497 seconds on hold; told them that yes indeed, I was not 100% satisfied with their rubbish for tartare sauce and I would like my money back please. She didn't understand what I was talking about (blast my American accent) and asked to which household cleaning product I was referring to. I could repeat the whole conversation which was as equally unsatisfying as my tartare sauce but then this post would be like a kajillion miles long. In the end all she could do is "recommend strongly that you return the item as quickly as possible to the store of purchase". Yeah, thanks. I really feel bad for laughing at twin when she had to file a complaint with the makers of starburst or was it skittle in regards to the mints they tried to mainstream with the original flavours. C'mon everybody, consumer complaints have you got any?

11 comments:

bmark said...

We only have a couple of months left here in NZ and what did signature range do to us? They tried to pull a fast one with their crappy new recipe. Don't get me started on this the wound is still raw!
(Oh and look the word verification I have to type in below is "offpo", ROTFLOL!)

lilylilylilylilyllylilylilylily said...

this is so BAD I can't believe they did this to you. In this rough business climate you would think they would try harder to give the consumer what they want!!

Mike and Mindy said...

Since the aforementioned "Scrapper's Incident of '03," The Quilted Bear and Michael's get all of my business whenever I have scrapping needs. By the way, I like the UK spelling of "tartare" much better than "tartar" US spelling. Seems more dignified, I guess. And "TARTAR" makes me think that the sauce is made out of pavementpavement.

sivab said...

Mike, I have to admit I don't think I really knew how to spell tartare either way when I wanted to complain. Lucky for me, the customer service "agent" on the telephone had me spell it out for her like 23 times and she STILL didn't know what I was talking about, I spelled it straight from the bottle. I guess that is what I have to take away from this experience; a newfound knowledge of the various spellings of tartare sauce.

shamwow said...

Sara you really should be a newspaper columnist. Even though I knew you were fired up and angry you still wrote a nice little article, very entertaining and funny. Hey I'm no english major in fact english was my worst subject because I hated writing so I guess I'm not hard to please, so don't blame me if New York Times won't hire you. But all the same I think your awesome and sorry about the tartare sauce, why don't you just start dipping your f and c's in ketchup that's what us Smith's would do?

bmark said...

that shamwow person sounds like gina or something

sivab said...

Sham-WOW I appreciate your words of support. I ain't good with words either but I just write straight from my heart without regards to fancy EN-gleesh, grammer or punctuation. I am sure it all drives the Baron nuts but he comes back for more. I am just happy to write something that will make you LOL and return for more . Hugs and kisses, Sara

Anonymous said...

i don't know if they have these in the NZ, but the chocolate pack flavor of skittles is bad. really really bad. it's by own fault for purchasing said chewy and chocolate flavored product, but brownie batter just shouldn't be chewy. its gross. there's my complaint. i can't remember the last time i actually threw a partially eaten bag of candy away.

sivab said...

Dear Corinneishot, i have to admit that when i read your comment, I first agreed with you that yes indeed chocolate skittles would be hoarfacious to the maximus. Then, I thought so gross that why would someone such as corinneishot purchase such an obviously grotesque product. THEN, I though, hmmm, yeah actually I would have had to buy them too. As a candyholic I find it to be an obligation of mine to have to try every new candy that comes out regardless of how nasty it sounds. I guess I figure why would they bother putting out something so nasty nasty and I am hoping to be pleasantly surprised. I wonder about the sample groups that test these things out...

Anonymous said...

Chocolate Skittles? Tasty goodness. Those actually almost sound as good as "Good n'Plenty" candies. Licorice with a candy coating...mmmmm

Anonymous said...

Just to show that experimental candy forays are not always bad, the dark chocolate three musketeers with whipped minty filling is quite tasty. Basically like a junior mint in bar form with oh so fluffy filling. yum.